Past is Future, Future is Past

Todays debt: Holding at $23, 210.24

I received an interesting comment on yesterday's post:

"I think for some people taking on an unmanageable amount of debt is a form of surrender to life. They, either consciously or unconsciously, don't see that they can ever achieve a particular financial goal, or could ever leave their current financial situation, so they give up. They take the money now, because tomorrow just ain't comin' for 'em."

A fascinating point of view, and it's worth re-examining my own situation: have I gotten into this mess through surrendering to life?

In truth, I may be guilty of the opposite. I'm too damn optimistic about my life prospects. This $23,000 debt has risen steadily over the course of about four and a half years, and it has grown not in a slow death of a thousand small purchases, but rather in several large spurts rooted in efforts to have a richer, more meaningful life. A good part of the debt comes from the following:

• My wife seeking to start her own business. We borrowed for start-up expenses, for living expenses when she left her full-time job to do occasional temp work and devote more time to the business, and for taxes on her earnings. She has not yet made as much as we'd hoped, but continues to work at it



• My switch from restaurant work, which provided a decent income through tips but was physically exhausting and soul-crushing, to a retail bookstore job, which was much less stressful, much more enjoyable, and much lower-paying. Last year, two years after making the switch, a promotion to management finally brought my pay close to what I'd formerly earned through tips



• A two month trip to India, Nepal and Tibet in 2000, and two weeks in Peru last year. These may seem foolish choices, but for us travel and the experience of other cultures is vital. With globalization making the world slowly more homogenous, and with our bones getting creakier and less tolerant of travel in the developing world, we made the decision to go now and pay later



• House expenses, including a new roof (necessary), a new bed and a replacement washing machine (both perhaps debatable)



• A new computer last year for me, to replace my 1994 model, justified as a necessary expense for my freelance writing

Even among the heavily indebted there are divisions and prejudices. I know people who have built up credit card debt comparable to ours by purchasing a ton of stuff, furniture and electronics and gadgets and clothing, and I confess that I look down on their materialistic foolishness. I feel that our debt, built on the desire for better work for ourselves and on the quest for experience and travel is somehow more righteous, more justifiable. Of course, those who max out their credit cards accumulating stuff may see us as the fools, with little tangible to show for our debt.

And I am painfully aware that there are also people who have become heavily indebted out of necessity, suffering through high medical bills or the loss of a job. To them, our debt must seem terribly foolish and frivolous.