At the end of a fine meal of Chinese takeout eaten as usual in bed, my wife and I turned to our fortune cookies. Here is what we both got:
Yes, my fortune now has corporate sponsorship. This annoys me in so many ways. First and foremost, I'd like to be able to eat a goddamn cookie without being subjected to an advertisement. Second, it's not even a real fortune...it's a gag. Jokes come on bubble gum wrappers, not in fortune cookies. I need my fortune cookie fortune, I rely on them, I live my life by them. Third, the thing isn't even printed properly, with the last righthand letters cut off. Doesn't Snapple care about quality control? Finally, we both got the same 'fortune', which I can't seem to remember ever happening before in all the decades I've been sharing Chinese food with people. I can only conclude that the Snapple people are utterly barren of creativity and were able to think up only a very small number of these unfunny pseudo-fortunes.
You know, I actually think Snapple makes some pretty tasty ice teas, though I don't like their fruit drinks. But they've pissed me off now, so I won't be buying any more of their products. They've lost my money; let them live on lo mein.
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